Saturday, March 5, 2011

Guilt...and the fear of flying..

I carry mine around in a handbag from the Walmarts..

You see, I have worked the "Family Business" my whole entire married life, PLuS a few years..
about 23 to be exact.HALF my whole life.. I live and breath and LOVE all things Grand Heron.
We have been through so much together as a family..My parents could not be ANY better than they are.
My brother and sister either..

It has been such a long and drawn out few years..If you are a reader of mine, then you know how the devastation of a 100 year storm completely annihilated our beautiful historic Masonic Temple building that housed the Grand Heron. This, for us, was nothing short of a  horrific death to each one of us. Including my children and each and every niece and nephew.

Then there is the R word. For those of you in the business of ANY small business, Recession is a true and ugly thing, and he is alive and well --still wallowing around in his dirty t-shirt, lazing on the couch and mostly making a random appearance on business days here and there. Don't get me wrong, business is good.for a while it was just horrid..  Since we have moved back and have such a lovely gorgeous storefront again we are busy... But, it is something that cannot be ignored. I, for one, am not going to be the thing that makes or breaks a day. Although that's no matter for my sweet mama. But business is business, right? Its not personal.

So, I have stepped of of the path..

That path that has been the best path in my life....and it is very scary to try and do something different that will allow me to make money..that ugly 5 letter word that we ALL have to have. I have the support of my awesome partner who is my biggest and best fan. He has all the faith in the world in me, which also makes me terrified. But that's not even my biggest fear. I feel so guilty about leaving my job with my family. I know I have the blessing of my Mom and Dad, but theres something that just wont quit gnawing at the back of my mind saying go back and be a good daughter. Take care of business like you are suppose to.

Here I sit, trying to get a handle on the new while trying to settle down my guilty mind. Am I such a person that can just ignore it? No. my family is the world to me. My parents have done everything possible to grow up their kids to be wonderful people to be supportive and giving..and now I am doing the exact opposite. I am going to have to find a way to make this all work..
But for now, this guilt is perfectly placed in my handbag. I will carry it until I figure a place to put it.

Maybe in an urn on my mantle??







3 comments:

Laurie Anne said...

Your parents raised you to be strong and see the beauty in things. Don't think of it as stepping off the path, but as stepping onto YOUR path :0)

Heaven's Walk - said...

I so hear and feel your frustration, guilt, and confusion at this turning point in your life. But maybe you're feeling this way because God wants you to step out in faith on another - better - path he has laid for you. Trust in him and he'll show you which direction to take! :) Praying for you, friend!

xoxo laurie

Just a little something from Judy said...

I for one cannot wait to see what direction your path will take you on, but I do know you are one of the most artistic, creative, person I have met in blogland. I hope wherever you go, your creativity will be put to work. I will say a prayer for you today.